Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

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Season of dreams

"Have you ever dreamt of doing something really great and rewarding?"

She was eating an apple when I set foot on the top of the hill that night. It was getting colder every day and I even had to bring something to keep myself warm. An old leather jacket was lying around in my house, untouched for years, with the smell of woodfire smoke impregnated in its layers of fabric. It was obviously the time of the year to collect the most delicious and tasty apples from the trees of our region that were growing them. I kept my jacket under my arm as I sat next to her. I didn’t want to disturb her feast so I waited until she was done to start off the night.

“Today felt like it would never end”, she looked at me mysteriously as I kept on talking. “I have been chopping wood all day in preparation for the upcoming winter!” She didn’t seem impressed and her gaze went back to the apple core she left in the grass. I wondered if she got saddened by something today since she was pretty silent, she usually was the one talking and initiating conversations.

“Have you ever wanted to climb a mountain?” she asked me out of the blue. I wasn’t prepared for such a question and I believe I’ve let my face translate my feelings of confusion for a moment since she almost instantly resumed her speech.

“Oh, it can be something else than a mountain, I meant to ask if you ever dreamt of doing something really great and rewarding?” Honestly, I didn’t have any idea of what I should answer to this question. Did I ever set a goal for myself in my life or had any idea of grandeur like the one of climbing a mountain? Such an achievement was far different from climbing this grassy hill when the night falls and when the cicadas go to sleep. It almost became a habit, something my body would do on its own without needing me to think about it. I don’t really hate it, it means less efforts for me and I must say that those nights were kind of enjoyable. Taking the time to stop running and actually speak and think about life was somewhat refreshing for me, escaping the redundant life I had. We could speak for hours, always switching topics but always having something to say about it.

While I was pondering about her question, she started to stare deeply at me. I could easily feel her gaze pierce right through my soul like a sharp but not painful arrow. I kind of had the feeling she was trying to read my mind to try and guess the answer before I would even dare to open my mouth. I kept the suspense for a few more seconds before finally answering with the most boring answer I ever said.

“I don’t know, not really, a mountain’s pretty high isn’t it? I think I would get scared by heights.” As I was speaking I wondered for a moment if I was really suffering of acrophobia or if I was afraid of something even bigger than a mountain. I’m lucky that I wasn’t going to add anything else after this because she decided to talk anyway.

“I think it’s another reason to add in favor of doing it. Don’t you want to challenge yourself, overcome something bigger than what you can leap? I think it’s exciting just to think about it, going beyond the limit of what you can imagine yourself being capable of, you can come back from this pilgrimage stronger and more confident about yourself than before, right?”

I listened to her in awe, I was a bit surprised by her again, for the second time tonight, that she would say something like this. I started to believe she had some kind of crazy idea floating around in her head and she probably already knows I would follow her anywhere. Fearing the worst, I tried to poke at it with the care of a tailor.

“It’s great for you to have such aspirations, but it’s a bit silly to only dream of it and never be able to gather the courage of actually doing it. I must agree though that such a rewarding event would be pretty groundbreaking for something as monotone as my daily life. I understand it’s a bit hard to start since you could easily get depressed if you failed at what you were aiming for. Some people would probably just abandon before even trying because they’re afraid to fail.” I said all of that on a serious tone like I spoke with years of experience, I barely knew anything about life yet, still experimenting things and here I was, giving advice to the young.

“What if you fail? Does it mean you’re incapable of doing it? What exactly is this obsession of succeeding everything at the first attempt? I think life is a game of trial and error, where you learn from your mistakes and succeed from experience. People who don’t even want to try and that would rather stick to things they have for granted make me sad. What is going on with everybody wanting to get everything the easy way? It’s like people don’t like challenge anymore, isn’t that mundane?” she said on the verge of tears, with a bit of pity for the rest of the humanity. I guess she realized something really important tonight, I don’t know if it would actually change her life, we’re only discussing, not taking life decisions on this hill. The stars would sometimes guide us through difficulties and maybe I once believed I could tell the wrong from the right, at least for myself that is.

“I think there’s more than truth in what you said” I replied to her, without giving further explanation or context, I think she understood on which ground I stood and she was happy with it. We spent the rest of the night staring at our reflections in the cloudless night sky, our heads full of ideas and thoughts we didn’t bother sharing now. The cold wind began to slightly bite my skin but it was more pleasant than annoying, I could however notice that she was shivering a bit. I placed my leather jacket on her shoulders without asking permission.

“Thank you…” she said, with the most quiet voice in the world.